Alright, so I’ve been with this man for 5 years now. At the beginning of this year on New Years Eve, my fiancé asked me to marry him. I love this man to death, so of course I said yes. Little did I know that our relationship would start to decline right after!!
Let’s get a little back story, this is going to sound crazy and a lot of you are probably going to judge me but I don’t care, this is MY STORY AND MY LIFE!! When I was 17 I met a boy my age and he turned out to be my first real love. When I turned 18 I got pregnant by this guy, but I didn’t end up carrying my baby full term. What does this boy have to do with anything you may be thinking? Well, I met my current fiancé through this boy, my fiancé is this boys uncle. I know, I know. I never met to get with his uncle. What happened was my fiancé’s son messaged me one day saying he was going to hurt himself and of course I got in contact with my now fiancé and told him what his son had told me. After getting that situation handled, he asked me to go out for a drink with him. I did. We really hit it off. Honestly, I think that It caught both of us by surprise. We started spending a lot of time together and didn’t want to spend our time with anyone else. My fiancé did ask his nephew if he had his blessing to date me and have me be apart of his life, and at that time my ex and I no longer had any communication and no feelings what so ever, so he gave him his blessing. Everything was great for probably the first 2-3 years. I was so happy.
After some time had went by things starting changing, I know my true colors had come out and his true colors for sure came out. Fighting became a more common thing in our lives and resentment started happening. My dad passed away on December 3rd, 2013, and my fiancé was by my side through it all. Having him there with me and showing me so much love really made me look at him different and fall back in love with him. As they say though, nothing good lasts forever. Soon enough we where right back to not getting along and fighting all the time.
Well, almost a year ago now, I had an unexpected person enter my life and the moment we connected, it was like I found love at first sight. So, I had my boyfriend at that time who I was not wanting anything to do with anymore and this new person who was everything I wanted emotionally and mentally! My fiancé found out that I had been talking to this new guy and we broke up. I started seeing this new guy and I wanted to spend every minute of my life with him. I had never became so close with someone so fast. We just clicked the second we laid eyes on each other. After awhile, my fiancé started that whole “don’t know what you’ve got until its gone” type of thing and wanted me back in his life. So much so that he caused so much drama with me and my new boyfriend at the time, that my new boyfriend landed up in jail. My fiancé finally had me all to himself so he could try and get me back.
After a few weeks of trying to get me back, I finally gave in and took my fiancé back, and agreed to work things out. The agreement was to leave the past in the past and focus on the future. He told me that he changed and that he knew that he treated me like shit and that was never going to happen again. I believed him. After moving back into his house, things changed more then quickly and he started treating me really bad. He didn’t leave the past in the past and help me accountable for what I did every single day. It was just non-stop at that point. This lasted for about 2 months or so. Finally, after a really bad fight we had, he let go of me being with another guy while we where broken up and started to refocus back on us. This was around Christmas time. He told me to start looking at rings because he wanted to propose to me in the near future. I figured we where finally on the right track to spending our lives together. On New Years Eve, he proposed and I accepted. Ever sense then, we have been back to us being noting but hell.
I try to tell him how I feel. I even use the phrase, “I am trying to tell you how I am feeling, will you please listen to me before it’s too late to save us.” I beg him to communicate with me but he just won’t do it. In my opinion, I really think that is what our issue is, we can not communicate to save our lives! And I don’t know how to fix that! I’ve tried every trick in the book and nothing is working. I’m 26 years old and my fiancé just turned 39 this month. I thought being with an older man would be better because he would act like a little boy. Boy was I wrong about that! Most days I think he is worse then a little boy but then other days he is the MAN that I’ve always wanted. I do love with every piece of me. I want to be able to take his last name. But how do I fix the communication? How do I get us back to having fun together and enjoying each other’s time? I need help before him and I lose something I know that can work! I’m asking for advice, good or bad. Lay it on me! 🙂
This Crazy Thing Called "My Life" 